Originally aired on Wake Up Winnipeg Episode 77 on UMFM 101.5 FM - 05/18/2011

Ed note: Portions of this interview have been edited for length and clarity.

Andru Valpy: So ladies and gentlemen, on the phone, someone you have all grown up with. He's been a face of comedy for a very long time, and he started stand-up at the age of 15 years old. He's coming to Winnipeg on the 26th and 27th, and we are talking to Mr. Green now, Hello Mr. Green!

Tom Green: Hello There!

AV: How are you?

TG: Very Good, Very Good! What's going on? This is exciting!

AV: It is exciting!

TG: We're on the radio!

AV: We're on the radio, and you used to be on the radio too?

TG: Yes I did, I did used to be on the radio. When I was in college I did a show on radio in Ottawa.

AV: At CHUO

TG: CHUO 89.1 FM

AV: And they are a member of the National College Radio Association with us, so we're sister stations, Tom.

TG: Absolutely, absolutely. That makes us sisters!

AV: Basically.

TG: Yeah. That's kind of weird.

AV: It is kind of weird, except, you're long-distance, you never call.

TG: Yeah, we're long-distance sisters. This is starting to get to be a weird conversation...

AV: (laughing). You're coming to Winnipeg soon?

TG: Absolutely, I'm really excited. I'm going to be performing, doing, I've been touring doing some standup now for about a year and a half, this is sort of a new thing that I'm really throwing everything I got into this man. I love it. I love doing stand-up. I love this. I've been on tour, and I've just been doing the show and I got jokes, and I'm having a great time, and I'm filming a lot of video for my web show and uh, just really enjoying doing stand-up. We're going to have some crazy, crazy shows, it's going to be crazy. Um, it's a very ridiculous, very fun, goofy outrageous good time that I'm having. just got actually back into, I'm actually back at home right now, but I was just in Florida in Miami, err, West Palm Beach Florida all weekend and then I've been, basically I'm going to be going up to Canada again soon in Calgary, then Toronto then I'm going to be going over to the Edinburgh Comedy Festival in Scotland this summer...

AV: Oh Wow!

TG: ... And just doing stand-up like a madman! I'm just losing my mind man! I'm losing my mind! Come on out and enjoy it.

AV: So question for you, I mean a lot of people have seen you on the Tom Green Live Show online, it's the highest rated longest running and only talk show on the internet.

TG: Absolutely! The highest-rated, longest running and only talk show on the internet. You know exactly what it is!

AV: It is, for sure!

TG: Yeah!

AV: I've followed you for a very long time.

TG: That's what it is.

AV: That speaks for itself, Tom.

TG: That's cool. I like when somebody has done their research. I like when an interviewer has done their research. I talk to a lot of people touring around doing stand-up. I talk to people every city, every week, I talk, I do like dozens of interviews every week. Not that many people know before I tell them first, that my talk show is the longest-running, highest-rated, and "only" talk show on the internet.

AV: Well that speaks well, thanks Tom, I appreciate that.

TG: I appreciate that. I appreciate the informed line of questioning.

AV: No Problem. You've been doing all of these interviews, right?

TG: Yeah.

AV: Has anyone covered your Bin Laden discovery?

TG: You know what, I won't say 'nobody' has mentioned it 'cause it has been mentioned, but it has been. Considering it's the largest, uh, story in journalism in the last half-century, and I broke it, it's been very rarely, very much underreported that I was the person that broke the news. The first member of the media to break the news about the death of Osama Bin Laden. Now, I know, you know, it's, I probably should just move on to something else because it just seems people are, you know. I think possibly, you know, it's uh, you know, people are a little embarrassed I think, you know?

AV: Well, I just don't get it? You were THE first person, and you took a screenshot?

TG: ...People are probably a bit embarrassed. I mean it's a big deal, and I don't think folks on, in the mainstream media, really want to come out and say that, you know, they got scooped by the Tom Green Show. You know?

AV: Well, I think we should just give you credit right now Tom. You were the first person…

TG: (Interrupting) Yeah, I know I was, and it's, you know, the thing about it is, is it's 100% verifiable. You just go on my Twitter page and scroll down and look at the timeline and then go look at CNN's Twitter page, and look at any reporter from the BBC to the CBC, to SKY News, and none of them tweeted.

TG (continued): Everyone has a Twitter page, every reporter on the planet has a Twitter page. I am the very first person to report it. It was exactly at 10:27. The first person to Tweet it was a former member of Donald Rumsfield's inner circle who was the first person to Tweet it, and because I'm so actively online, the internet chatter began to spread like immediately, very rapdily through the interverse, the interweb, and within three minutes I caught wind of it and then immediately tweeted the news to my followers, which was before CNN or anyone really knew what was going on.

TG (continued): So, I feel pretty good about that as you can see, considering that I've spent the last 6 minutes of this interview where I should really just be talking about how I'm coming up to Winnipeg to do stand up, and talk about the cool stuff I've been doing on the web, and some fun things. Maybe make some jokes, and have some fun and goof around with you, right? Maybe say some stuff that's entertaining to your listeners, but instead, no, I've spent the last 6 minutes talking about my Bin Laden Tweet. Come on Man, I got to get my priorities straight, right?

AV: (laughing) Well, I mean it's something to be proud of Tom, I mean you were the first person out of everyone!

TG: I know, but can you explain to me and your viewers why nobody has admitted that?

AV: You know what? I don't know.

TG: I mean is it just not a big deal?

AV: Oh, I'm pretty sure it was a big deal.

TG: Well if it's a big deal how come nobody has admitted it?

AV: I don't know! I think we're probably the first radio station...

TG: (interrupting) Everybody else says 'Oh The Rock was the first reporter'. They had him on the Conan O'Brian show, everyone makes a big deal about The Rock being the first, The Rock never even said it! Go look at the timeline! Look at the timeline man! He never even said it, he just said 'Something's going on, I can't say what it is. Proud to be an American' he said all of this cool stuff that alluded to the fact that he knew something, but he never actually reported it. I'm not, I'm talking about something different here, you know? I was the first to report it to my sixty-seven thousand followers. Sixty-seven thousand people in the world knew first before anyone else because they were following me on Twitter.

AV: So, let's bring it back here. I have a question.

TG: Let's bring it back!

AV: Let's do this. Remember how when you aired the Bum Bum song on MTV and you tried really hard to get it to Number 1 on TRL?

TG: And it got to Number 1 in 3 days.

AV: ...Within 3 days. So how are we going to get this out to your listeners? How are we going to let the media know that you were shafted on this?

TG: Well, you know what? I'm afraid that the media just moves so fast in this day in age, you know, they're on to the next story, Arnold Swatzinegger is now the sperminator, not the terminator, you know they're not going to report this.

AV: So, then we just did!

TG: Well, we did to your readers yeah.

AV: For sure.

TG: Yeah.

AV: You're going to be at Rumours, this is something big. I wasn't expecting this Tom, I mean, I think the last time you tried stand-up was when you were 15 years old at Yuk Yuks right?

TG: Well if you exclude the last 2 years of my life, yes, that was the last time, the thing is, I've been touring non-stop for 2 years now, literally full time and I've probably done more shows in 2 years than a lot of comedians do in a lifetime. I mean, it's just been incredible. I've been on the road like I'm a maniac you know? I've really been enjoying it and taking to it so I kind of stopped talking about it like it's a new thing because it’s just, I really am in a nice rhythm now you know?

AV: Right.

TG: And we're going to have an amazing weekend at Rumours because it's going to be ridiculous and crazy and I'm really looking forward to being in Winnipeg because, to be honest with you, it's one of the few cities that I haven't been to yet with the tour. I mean, just to put it into perspective, I've been to virtually every major English-speaking city on the planet with this tour. From London England to Sydney and Melbourne, all across Australia, every city in Canada, and virtually, every city in the United States. I think I've done about 500 shows and I'm just writing like a maniac. I'm excited because I know the last time I was in Winnipeg I was there doing a music thing with my "keeping it real crew", which was fun. We were just rapping, and it was a fun thing, but it wasn't nearly like the amount of sort of work that I've really put into this show. This show is really - I don't like to call it work but - effort I guess. You know?

AV: Mmm hmm.

TG: And so, this is something that's really important to me. I'm really excited about what I'm doing right now, and you know, it's really the next phase in what I'm going to be doing as a comedian. You know, I've been doing this kind of crazy nonsense for twenty years now. You know?

AV: Mmm hmm!

TG: And, you know, I'm turning 40 years old this year in July.

AV: Oh wow! Happy Birthday!

TG: Thank you, I'm turning 40 on July 30th, and honestly, it's just time that I get serious about this. You know. It's time that I take this comedy thing a little more seriously. You know?

AV: (chuckles)

TG: (chuckles) You know, I really, I'm excited to bring this show to Winnipeg because people are going to see something that is uh, going to be a very entertaining night for everyone. We're going to have an amazing, amazing time. The jokes are incredible, and the things I'm talking about on stage are completely out of this world and incredible. And everyone is going to have an incredible time. You should bring all of your friends, and we're going to have beer, and we're going to eat chicken fingers, and it's going to be delicious. We're all going to look at each other, you guys will all be eating chicken fingers, I'll be on stage telling jokes (laughing).

AV: Will there be Honey Dill sauce?

TG: They'll be ranch dressing, they'll be barbeque sauce, it's going to be incredible!

AV: Well then I don't see...

TG: It's going to be an incredible evening.

AV: I don't see why people shouldn't come!

TG: Especially if you like chicken fingers!

AV: Well, who doesn't in Winnipeg?

TG: Yeah, you like a little, if you like some amazing comedy and outrageous comedy material with your chicken and your beer.

AV: Oh yeah!

TG: You're going to love this show.

AV: I'm already sold on it, Tom!

TG: You're going to love this show!

AV: I'm going to be there.

TG: You gotta tell all of your friends to come on down because they're not going to want to miss it. I'm not going to be back in Winnipeg probably, I'll probably come to Winnipeg once a year now that I'm doing this.

AV: Oh! Well, they better get on the first one. This is your first visit here right?

TG: This is the first visit, it's going to be really special.

AV: And there's going to be chicken fingers.

TG: I'll tell you now that the tickets are going fast. I believe they're already sold out for Saturday night so, there's only actually - being serious - I will tell you this, having been on tour now for two years, the tickets are selling faster in Winnipeg than in a lot of cities.

AV: Well I can certainly tell you, in all seriousness Tom, a lot of people here when I've told them that you're coming, they're excited because they didn't know you were going on tour.

TG: I will tell you that I am feeling, just through the interweb, and through the internet chatter that I'm receiving, I am feeling, uh, that there is an increased sense of urgency and excitement in the city of Winnipeg.

AV: It's going to be crazy and I'm going to be there on the Saturday night. I'm going to eat chicken fingers just because, you know, it seems...

TG: (interrupting) I'm not drunk right now. I'm not drunk right now.

AV: Maybe we should be Tom?

TG: No I'm not. I'm not.

AV: Oh.

TG: I've basically. I've been really doing good man. Doing really good.

AV: That's good! How long have you...

TG: I've cut back, on the booze.

AV: How long has it been?

TG: You know, I don't think it's ever really been a problem for me, by the way.

AV: Ok.

TG: Though I did get fired by Donald Trump for going out drinking with Dennis Rodman on the night I was the Project Manager.

AV: Well, this is also the man who questioned Obama's birth though?

TG: Exactly!

AV: So...we can't take that seriously.

TG: I thought he made a bad decision then, and I thought he made a bad decision when he decided to come out and call Barrack Obama the worst President in the history of the United States, you know what I mean.

AV: Mmm. I understand. I mean, it's Donald Trump, the guy is kind of out there right?

TG: I mean that was, an out-there decision. Not saying I don't like the guy, I think he's a great guy, I think he's a very interesting guy. A funny guy, a likable guy, a brilliant broadcaster and businessman, and all this kind of stuff. But I do have to disagree with him on two decisions. One, saying Barrack Obama was the worst president in the History of the United States, I disagree with that, and I also disagree with him firing me.

AV: Well I do too. We should bring you back.

TG: When I was working for him.

AV: We should bring you back Tom.

TG: I was working for him.

AV: You were hard working.

TG: He was my boss. I was working hard. I was better than all those other ffffuu....uhh...people on the show.

AV: I know. Why aren't you on there? We should get you back.

TG: I should have won the whole damn thing!

AV: Well I think you should have, for sure. And I think you should get to Winnipeg faster and get more shows here.

TG: We're going to have a good time up there, I'm excited.

AV: So really quick, anything else you want to throw out to our listeners?

TG: I'm not drunk!

AV: Okay. You're not drunk!

TG: I know you're probably thinking 'Is this guy drunk' or whatever.

AV: No, I'm laughing, I like this, this is fun.

TG: Alright.

AV: Not as much fun as the show on the...

TG: (interrupting) Because listen, if I was drunk, I'd be slurring my words.

AV: Yeah?

TG: Yeah!

AV: Yeah!

TG: I'm not on any drugs or drunk or anything I'm just, I'm just having fun, I'm having fun on the radio.

AV: Ok, I have a question, last question.

TG: Ok.

AV: In your years of comedy, in your years of the Tom Green Show and now the Tom Green Show Online, you've done a lot of skits Tom. What's your favourite that you've done? The most memorable thing you've done in your career.

TG: I'd probably have to say the slut mobile.

AV: YES! We were just watching that the other day.

TG: I just enjoy that because, it was one that, or maybe when I painted my parents’ house. I just felt that sort of a really interesting time in my life. You know, there's such a sort of a drive to just sort of get some sort of visibility of the show and the circumstances were just so silly, I was living in my parent’s basement and it was completely different, I was a completely different person at the time. I look back at those videos with a lot of fondness and happiness when I think about how they've, first of all, got highly recognized worldwide and it's now become something, you know they're very popular on YouTube and on my website, and it's kind of interesting to live your life out like that, on camera, and to be able to go back and look at it later. There's a lot of bits I've done over the years and films, movies and things, and music, and all sorts of things that I've done over the years that I really love, but some of those things I did to my parents I like because it's so much more personal, you know, it brings me right back to what it was like living in my parent’s basement and just trying to make this public access tv show work, and it's been cool you know? And turning 40 this year, I'll tell you, is exciting because I really am enjoying this experience of going out and doing stand-up and meeting with all of the people that are coming to my shows that have been watching my crazy nonsense that I've done on television of the last 20 years and it's just been real fun. A fun new adventure for me.

AV: For sure. I'm looking forward to Tom, I've been following you since you were on, back when you were on MTV when I was living in the states, so I'm really looking forward to it, and we'll have to have some chicken fingers together when you're there on Saturday.

TG: We're going to have some chicken fingers, and it's awesome.

AV: Well Tom, thank you so much for taking the time to give us a shout here.

TG: Yeah, thank you! Thank YOU very much.

AV: No problem. We'll follow you on Twitter.

TG: I can't wait to get down to Portage Avenue and go back to the bank where I walked the pigeon into the bank.

AV: What? Tell us about that!

TG: Well, I don't know if I should say it because they didn't know who I was, you know they've probably been trying to find me for fifteen years but.

AV: So if it wasn't you, how would you have done it though?

TG: Well, it's just an old bit that I did that was, I remember when I drove across Canada, long before I was on MTV, there was this pigeon on the street and I opened the door to the bank and it walked into the bank, and I just walked it around the bank, and we filmed it. It's called 'Pigeon in Bank'.

AV: I think we're going to post that on our Twitter after this interview Tom.

TG: That was shot in Winnipeg.

AV: Excellent. Well, we'll see you again soon. It's going to be a lot of fun, I can't wait to see you personally, it's going to be a great time. You have fun.

TG: Thank you very much, sir.

AV: No problem Tom. Thank you so much.

TG: Cheers.

AV: Bye-bye.